Black Days

Maybe, we are chemically imbalanced a little. You know the feeling when youget out of bed in the morning and everything is really black? You can't really sense why except you are not doing what you want and probably are not where you should be.

It's like you've taken a wrong turn in a road that forked somewhere and you know there is no going back. You need to go on, see where this heads, where it leads but you have no real idea how. You get on and do things but sometimes on some mornings the blackness hits you.

It takes a huge effort just to get out of bed.

That's when some things help immenselly. It helps to be able to get away, hide into an activity that gives you release but at other times this is not possible. You are stuck in a place where things need to go on and nothing can save you or give you reassurance and that's when you feel small and the world large and you are convinced you can make no difference at all.

I don't know if this is a recent thing. I noticed it in myself in the last ten years. Maybe it's a sign of getting older or maybe life itself has got more complex, or maybe the world has truly changed and we are all subliminally aware of how different it has become.

I find myself craving a quick cure and that's when I think of drinking or maybe taking drugs except I have never done anything like this and I knwo it won't help because quick-fix chemical cures simply don't.

So this leaves me empty-handed and without any other recourse except to get up and go through the day one single step after the other and then, at the end of it, by the sheer fact of having survived another twenty-four hours, physically and mentally intact I can get out of the dark well my soul resides in and find some hope in the world.

We all need hope. We need to feel that things are moving that we are going on to another place, faster, better. Sometimes that place is invisible. Xanadu and Sangri La exist in our minds but our minds create the world we live in.

Our minds...

These are also the place where we live.